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獨立宣言

因為一些原因, 不想再把自己的心情寫進慣用的blog或upload至facebook
反正, 寫甚麼都不會有人回應, 甚或使人不快
不如就此轉場吧
從此以後, 這個wordpress便是我平伏心情的廢棄場
希望有一天, 我不會再用它, 或者, 是把它作為分享喜樂的好地方

但我自己也遺忘了, 原來早早便在wordpress開了一個blog
是當時在澳洲交論文用的, 轉眼將近兩年
當時是最快樂的一段人生, 現在是最沉鬱的一串光陰
回來這麼久, 得到的不太多, 失去卻已追悔不及。

以前我真的不知道, 原來那麼多事都不是自己所能控制的…
如前路, 如感情……
過去的我曾想, 如果自己能好好地把握
那沒甚麼事是會後悔的
但原來很多很多事都是你盡了最大最大的努力都未必能如願的

我從沒想過在這段長達七年多的關係中
會落得如此被動的位置
雖說一早便預計到你出來工作後會有很大的轉變
但我沒想到最早的轉變竟然是你對我的態度
從此, 最重要的我變成最沒所謂的人
每天非傾不可的電話變成例行公事
曾在你口中抱怨過無數遍的台詞竟倒由我講出
換來的原來是不懂體諒
還有話可說嗎?
我很討厭很討厭這種感覺
常說我不懂你感受, 可你有從來在我這邊想過嗎
我與朋友出外時, 你說我不打給你
我工作時, 仍然不分時候陪著你
我玩樂時, 打著波飲著酒也聽你
那你工作玩樂購物的時侯, 又可曾有一時半刻想過陪我呢?

是我太習慣有你的生活, 是我已倚賴你在身邊的日子
很多從不曾有的習慣, 在你的影響下都慢慢有了
或許, 是時侯放開心情放開懷抱
去重新適應已不再成為你重心的自己
七年前, 沒有你我還是過得好好地
我就不信七年後的今天我不可以自己一個好好的活下去
我感謝你七年來使我的成長
更感謝七年後你給我重新自己一個發奮的刺激

多謝你的冷淡, 多謝你的”體諒”
我已開始慢慢死心。
亦多謝你給我重溫長達八九十個月沒有過的揪心感覺。

如果有任何人路過看到我的post而感到不知所云,
那對不起, 因我本就沒有任何意思予人觀看。

 

A little summary

Frankly speaking, it is a bit hard to reflect what I thought and did for the online documentary since the submission was two weeks ago. So I am going to give a little summary for the whole course and the online doucmentary in my own opinion. It is a very interesting experience when producing your own online documentary. You have to find a question and your target community first. And you really have a great interest in the community. You decide your own way to produce the documentary. There are a lot of methods to produce the documentary such as videos, photos, animations or texts. Through the rough cut showing tutorial, I saw a lot of interesting productions from my classmates. They really have a very unique concept and idea to produce their documentary. On the other hand, I did not really have a great interest on CTG at the begining. However, I found that CTG actually is a very systematic organization through the investigation. Their serious working attitude helps to perfect their productions. Many audiences gave a very positive feedback in their last production.

Sense of belonging is the other important point that need to focus in the documentary. I think it is not difficult to find out how united is the community. From interview with the producer, the production crew spent half year to concentrate their production. It is very easy to create and develop a sense of belonging within the group. In addition, the post production party and curtain call after the last show actually highlight their community sense. The transitional origin of the group also helps CTG to produce good quality production too. As a result, I joined the group and became a member of the production team.

In the last tutorial, Dean said that he hopes us to reflect what we did about the documentary and from the community. Besides theory, I found that the community does not only influence its members emotionally. It also has a very systematic structure and serious planning on every productions. For its 2009 mandarin production, it has already started production meetings. As I mentioned in previous entry, different department leaders have been selected in order to organize the production. One of my friends becomes set leader and she asked me to join as set crew. As a result, I became one of the production members now. I think I can be more focus on the community internally if I can modify my online documentary next semester. Although it is not possible, it is still a very interesting experience as I totally did not have any interest on CTG before I take Transient Spaces.

Through the interview video, the director and producer of CTG also mentioned that CTG aims to promote Chinese culture by producing Chinese plays. I think they can achieve what they said through different productions. Their latest mandarin production is the first production of CTG, “Thunderstorm”. “Thunderstorm” is a very famous drama which created in 1933. Its author, Cao Yu, is a very famous playwright in China in 20th century. “Thunderstorm” is also the first production of CTG which was produced in English. In 2009, CTG reproduces “Thunderstrom” in Mandarin. I think it is a very suitable choice for its latest production. As “Thunderstorm” is a very classical drama, it is also the first production of CTG. There are already 17 years since CTG established. I think it is a good time for CTG to reproduce its first production. I am looking forward to participate as one of the members in the production team!

Finally, I finished all my assignments (excluding this blog assessment) in this semester. As week 13 is already the last academic week in this semester, it  is not easy especially I got four assignments to due within the week. Therefore, after the submission of online documentary on week 12, I did nothing for Transient Spaces. Anyway, I tried to reflect what I have done in transient spaces in the past few days. When I finished the documentary, I found that I am already a “CTG expert”. Before I started the documentary, I only knew that CTG is a student theater group and a lot of people go to see their production every semester. However, I really feel their sense of belonging during my documentary production. Each production takes a long long time to prepare from set design, script, cast audition to post-production meeting.

Last month they just finished their cantonese production. And they have already recruiting cast and production crew for their Mandarian production. Different production leaders have even assigned in order to start their work immediately. Therefore, there is no doubt that CTG is a very “professional” and serious student theater group. On the other hand, there are a lot of evidences to prove their close relationship. When I was still producing my documentary, I saw a lot of videos and photos about CTG’s production. I can ensure that there are more than 10,000 photos were taken during their whole production. Some members may even edit those photos and combine with music in order to produce a memorial video. I have already uploaded some memorial videos on my documentary site. Through these videos, we can see how much they have contributed to CTG and how CTG influence them.

Just now Dean said that we totally need 24 entries for the blog assessment. I think the requirement is very reasonable as I originally thought that we need 28 to 42 entires! Therefore, I only need to do few more entries and I can fullfil the requirement. I am not sure how many entries I can do totally but I have quite a lot of things to reflect about the documentary and CTG. I will not do the reflective entry before I submit the documentary but I really inspired by CTG after I produced the documentary especially the interview video. Frankly speaking, I am not following the schedule tightly to do the blog entires. That’s why I was quite worrying that I cannot achieve the assessment requirement. After I started my production, I tried to do as more entries as I can. I found that it is not difficult  to do the blog as I wrote down the things immediately after the production. The blog assessment also helps me to reflect what I need to do next and the structure of the documentary. It even helps me to design the assignments schedule! After the semester, I think I will start a new wordpress blog as I really think that it is a good blog site for bloggers! I am using Xanga currently but I found it is not as user-friendly as wordpress. Therefore, I think I will keep a wordpress blog for private use.

Week 12!

This is week 12 now and I am in the tutorial and listening to my classmate’s documentary presentation. I find that they really work hard on their documentary and they did really very good! All the documentaries are well organized and very details. This impresses me and I am really stress now! There are only two days left before the submission and Dean already extended the due date from Wednesday to Friday. To be honest, I originally really do not know how to match the community and theory together. I think it is hard to balance between the documentary and theory. Of course I know that I should plan the documentary well before I start the production. Luckily, I saw the community theory of McMillan and Chavis on Dean’s blog. McMillan’s theory really helps me a lot. I reflected the concept of my documentary after I went through the theory. And now I plan to put McMillan’s theory into my documentary. I hope this enriches my documentary!

As mentioned before, I actually produced the final version of my documentary video. The only thing I need to do now is just making my documentary more complete. I also found some more videos which are about CTG’s past producitons. I found two videos which are extremely helpful to my documentary. A member of CTG produced them to promote their productions. I think that these videos actually show a sense of belonging of CTG members. In the photos, you can see that they enjoy the production and full of joy!

After spending eight hours on the video, I finally finished the video part of the documentary today! From choosing the research topic to edit the video, it takes almost three months for the whole research. Originally I really don’t know what to do for the documentary and I only decided to do international students’ life in melbourne. However, I cannot find any suitable theory for this topic and I didn’t find any interest on it. After that, I realized I actually got two community which are quite special within my network. They are CTG (Chinese Theater Group) and HKSA(Hong Kong Student Association). I finally chose CTG because I thought that CTG is more special than HKSA as HKSA is a very normal student community which aims for providing benifits and chance for Hong Kong student to know each others. CTG is different. It owns a very straight and main purpose, Semester Production.  CTG produce two plays every year and each semster produce one. Every semester it has a different production crew like director, producer and cast. Therefore, it transits every semester. Although it doesn’t own the same production crew every semester, their members always show a close relationship to each other. That’s the reason I picked CTG instead of HKSA.

Just a brief review for me to remind myself the reason of producing CTG’s documentary. To memorize my complete video, I am going to list out the budget rundown now! We (me and Allan) totally drank at least 10 litres of Coke Zero. Actually it mostly drank by me. A total of 30 hours (x2 if mine plus Allan) were spent in the documentary. I used 5 times two hours to pick Allan up to my place as he just cannot remember the road! Extra 50 messages were sent as I need to contact CTG members to conduct interviews and get their videos. Could be more but I am already too sleepy to do anything. So, what’s next?

I will put this video on the documentary’s blog.